Pardon me "borrowing" a movie title.
I can't sleep. This has actually been going on for a while.
It's been four years, can you believe that? (Four years since when?) Since I had my last, um, relationship. Well... fine, "in real life" relationship. Face to face, as it were. I've had this online relationship, first it was a friendship, then we flirted with being a couple, then she broke up with me, and now we're friends again. Thing is, and this has probably been what's keeping me awake at night: I still love her.
Yeah, sad I know. But she's the only person who ever truly loved me romantically. Unless she was lying to me when she told me "I was in love with you." Which I highly doubt. And I guess part of me doesn't entirely buy that there's someone ELSE out there that would love me like that (gee, I'm repeating myself now, great - confused? I already wrote this in another article). Okay, so, basically here's the score: I wrote before that I hadn't found "the one" and basically from what I just said it sounds like I have... but the truth of this whole sordid affair is that she CAN'T be MY "one" because, well, it just wasn't meant to be. It's hard to explain.
It's okay, I'll accept it. But when I really started thinking about all this, reality hit me like a large freight train going down the wrong side of the Sierra Nevada mountains (if you'll pardon the extended metaphor, it's 3:30am and I've yet to locate my bed). I'm still not over her. God, I know it's weird, and strange, and a bit sad, but them's the breaks. The irony of it all is, there ain't really much I can do about it that doesn't involve finding someone else and moving on.
Where am I going with this? Right now, to bed. Later, I might be writing poetry and stuff. Stay tuned, this might get interesting. Or it might not.
To be continued...