Remind me how this goes again?

Um, hi.

Published on November 13, 2004 By CraigAlan In Dating

Can you believe...

In 31 years (or maybe I should limit that to 15 years), I have never ONCE asked someone out on a date?
How do I ever get girlfriends, you ask? Well, it just kinda happens. At least, it used to.
I don't know what you wanna call it: fear of rejection, fear of being laughed at, or fear of someone breaking my heart, but whatever it is, I have never gone up to a woman and said the words "would you like to go out sometime?"
Granted, that's probably not the best way to ask someone, anyway, but I digress. All six of my girlfriends were pretty much accidents. The first one I ever had asked ME out (and this repeated itself with my sixth, sorta). The other four: being set up on a blind date, gave her a ride home, met over the internet, and "I dunno, it kinda just happened." Does it count as asking someone on a date if the asking is done after the status of boyfriend and girlfriend is established? If so, I'm not even really sure this applies to me. It's always "let's go to a movie" or something. More often than not, in my case, it was "let's hang out together."

I was a boring boyfriend! So sue me! I've grown. Changed. I developed a wanderlust that will probably never die (even IF I ever get lucky enough to find someone to marry). I'm much more willing to take risks and be adventurous (isn't that ironic, considering I'm older). Interesting that, although I'm done with the mind games, I've not quite gotten over the need to get in touch with my inner child once in a while.

Anywho. I find myself oftentimes lookin' for love in all the wrong places (apologies to Johnny Lee), etc. Sometimes I even find it that way. Maybe next time (heh, if there is a next time), I can avoid that mistake? But first, I've gotta get over this latest loss (meh) and MOVE ON. Walk on? That's a U2 song.

Erm, yeah. Anyway. I'll be interested in any comments anyone might have on this subject.

Comments

Floozie

on Nov 13, 2004

I have been single for so long now that I have no idea how this whole dating thing works. I meet tonnes and tonnes of people, but rarely do I meet someone that I would like to hang out with on a more regular basis. I guess I'm too choosy, but it's rare for me to feel the spark.

However, back in the day when I was in the land of the loved up, I was asked out in numerous original and sweet ways. My first proper boyfriend came through McDonald's drive through one night when I was working, with a bunch of red roses and a teddy bear and asked me out standing up through the sun roof of his car. Very sweet (held up the traffic for a while though!)

Another suitor seduced me with anonymous love letters - which weren't soppy and overwraught but hilariously funny and well written. I had another guy leave a rose and a note on my car... Sigh. Now I miss those days. Never underestimate the power of making someone feel special.

There's nothing harder or more frustrating than getting over a love lost. I've, at times, wished I could just press fast forward on the whole process as it seems that the only thing that makes it better is time. Just remember that you've gotten over it before, you can get over it again!

Take care,

Suz xxx

CraigAlan

on Nov 15, 2004

Thanks. I'm really starting to miss that connection, ya know? I don't know. Sometimes I think I *have* had all the chances I'll ever get. If I'm single in 5 years (without having a relationship in that time) I don't know what I'm going to do. There's really not much I can do about that, though. It's whatever fate has in store for me, it seems. I'm going to keep being myself in the meantime and hope... just hope that someone else like my most recent ex comes along.

Though I'm really starting to regret telling her goodbye. I should've at least given her a chance to reply.

It's complicated, though. I won't go into detail here. Maybe later.

Floozie

on Nov 17, 2004

just hope that someone else like my most recent ex comes along

I don't know if this is overstepping the mark or something, but it's generally not a good idea to look for someone who'll emulate your last big love. They will always fall short because, well, they are simply not the person that you're comparing them too. It basically means that you're still in love with your ex (which you certainly sound to be - and there's nothing wrong with that except it hurts you. But hey? As I said, only time changes that) You don't sound as though you're ready to move on yet. A new relationship too soon simply turns the new intended into a human bandage. I've been that to others and done it myself and it only creates more negative emotions.

Heal yourself and then you can better connect with another.

Look after yourself.

Suz xxx

CraigAlan

on Nov 17, 2004

Yeah, that seems to be my biiiiiiig problem.

I'm glad you replied back. I think you're right, although I'm not too sure about finding someone else. This woman was the only person I've ever met who truly accepted me for who I was (and am) without question. She amazed me. I thought she was "the one" (heh, yeah, so much for my other post about finding "the one") but I guess what keeps kicking me in the arse about this is... I wasn't sure.

Aren't you supposed to be 100% sure or something?

Right about now, I'm having serious thoughts about stopping all this bullshit about finding true love. I'm 31 (almost 32) years old. I don't have much time left before I'm 40. I was planning on getting married, having a family and all that jazz. But whoops, I guess that just wasn't meant to be. Oh well. C'est la vie.

So the next question I ask myself is: could I really do without actual love and just have fun with life and, y'know, stuff? It's a damn hard question to answer.

Heh, I got off on a rambling thought-out-loud.

I wish I knew how this whole thing worked, I really do. I could go on and on and on but I won't. It's better off that I just follow your advice and try to heal the wounds. Again.

But isn't that what life's all about?

Take care of you too,
Craig

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